Ek bahara insaan kichad me gir gaya

jaise hi wo aage bada

dusra bahra โ€“ bhai kichad me gir gye the kya

phla โ€“ nahi kichad me gir gya tha

dusra โ€“ accha mene socha kichad me gir gye theย ๐Ÿ™‚


santa scooter start kr rha tha

bhikari: bhagwan ke name pe kuch dede beta

santa: kya du baba?

bhikari: jo teri icha ho
wo dede baba

santa:
.
.
.
.
.
to niche juko
ek lat deta hu,
bhikari lafuchakkarย ๐Ÿ˜€


Varun – How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Aliya – I can eat 6 apples.

Varun – Wrong. you can eat only 1 apple on empty stomach
bcoz when you eat the 2nd apple thatโ€™s not an empty stomach!

Aliya: Wow superb joke. Iโ€™ll tell my friend..

Aliya to Shraddha – How many apples you can eat on an empty stomach?

Shraddha – I can eat 10.

Aliya – Pagal.. 6 bolti to mast joke sunati!!


Husband-cricket wala channel lagao.

Wife – nahi lagaungi.

Husband – dekh lunga.

Wife – kya dekhloge?

Husband – ye channel jo tum dekh rahi ho.


Innovative India:

An American asked a Indian child,
“How old are you ?”

Child replied:
.

.

.

.

.

.
Ghar pe 11,
School me 12,
Bus me 10,
Train me 7 &
Facebook pe 18….!


Mother to Son:

Tipu sultan kaun hain ?

Son : Pata Nahi

Mother : Padhai pe dhyan do ๐Ÿ‘€

Son to Mother : chinky aunty kaun hain?

Mother : Pata Nahi.

Son : Papa pe Dhyan do


Exam me question tha,
what is challange?

Ek student ne pura paper blank chod aur end me likha,
.

.

.

.

.

.
“APNE BAAP KA BETA H TO PAAS KARKE DIKHA”
This is CHALLENGE.


Beta : Papa mubarak ho aap k liye ek gud
news hai..

Papa : Wo kya beta?

Beta : Yaad hai aap ne kaha tha ki
agar mein pass
hogaya toh aap mujhe 1000rs dainge..

Papa : Haan yaad hai toh?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beta : Good news yeh hai ki aap ke paise
bach
gaye!


Pintu:- daadi neend nahi aa rahi . TV dekh lun?
Dadi:- mujhse baat kar le.

Pintu:- daadi kya hum hamesha 6 hi rahenge
Aap,mom,dad,Didi,main aur meri billi..

Dadi:- nahi beta aapke liye kal doggy b aa rha h toh 7 ho jayenge.
Pintu:- par doggy toh billi ko kha jayega toh fir 6 ho jayenge

Dadi:- nahi beta aapki shaadi ho jayegi toh 7 ho jayenge.
Pintu:- fir behen chali jayegi shaadi karke toh fir 6 ho jayenge.

Dadi:- beta fir aapka beta ho jayega toh 7 ho jayenge.
Pintu:- tab tak aap mar jaaogi toh hum wapas se 6 ho jayenge.

Dadi:- kutte …..ja TV dekh


Ek bar engineering ke sabhi Professores ko
ek plane mein bithaya gaya..

Fir announce kiya gaya ki
โ€œYE PLANE APKE STUDENTS NE BNAYA HAIโ€

Sab profesrs utar gayeโ€ฆ
Par principal baithe rahe

Logo ne pucha: Aapko Darr nahi lgta?

Principle: Mujhe apne students par pura bharosa hai.

Ye start hi nahi hoga!


Teacher (baccha se): Agar ek nimbu ka
ped samundar ke beach me hai
to tum usme se nimbu kaisa todoge?

Baccha: Me chidiya ban kar
jaunga aur tod ke launga

Teacher: Tumko chidiya kya
tumhara bap banayega

Baccha: to samundar ke beach nimbu ka
ped kya tumhara bap lagayega!


Tum 3 din se kaam pe nahi aayi
aur bataya bhi nahi ?

Nokrani: Madam!!

maine to facebook pe status
update kar diya tha

”Going to gaaon for 3 days”

Sahab jee ne comment
bhi kiya tha…
”Missing U gulabo”


Ek ziddi murge ko uske maalik
ne pinjre main bandh kar diya.

Murga itna ziddi tha ki peeche
ke raaste se bahar aa gaya.

Maalik ne usko fir se pinjre
main bandh kar diya.

Lekin murga toh ziddi tha ,
Woh phir se peeche ke raaste se
bahar aa gaya.

Uske malik ko gussa aaya.
Woh murge ko kaat ke,
paka ke, kha gaya.

Lekin Murga to ziddi tha!


Height of irritating someone:”

Boy:” pen hai ??

Girl:” nahi..
Thodi der baad..

Boy:” pen hai ?

Girl:” nahi bola na..

Boy:” pen hai pen ?

Girl:” nahi hai kaminey, aur abki bar pucha to
to hathode se sar phod dung

Kuch der baad…

Boy:” hathoda hai kya..?

Girl:” nahi..

Boy:” accha.. to phir pen hai pen..?


Wife: Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu.

Husband: Nahi.

Wife: Kyun?
.

.

.

.

.

Husband: Main “hanuman chalisa” padh kar sota hu.


Dost : Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya ?

Husband : Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas..
ghutno pe.

Dost : kya baat kar raha hai..

Husband : aur nahi to kya..

Dost : Fir Kya Boli ?

Husband : Boli Palang k Neeche se baahar aa jao,
Ab Nahi Maarungi!


Mamu ne nayi Car li aur car ke peeche likhwaya,

“Saawan ko aane do”.

Peeche se Truck ne thok diya.
Truck par likha tha,

“Aaya Saawan Jhoom ke”.


Husband- Agar mujhe lottery lagi toh
tum kya karogi?
.

.

.
Wife- Aadhe paise le kar Hamesha
keliye mayke chali jaungi…
Main bhi khush aur aap bhi khush.
.

.

.
Husband- 20 Rs. ki lagi hai… ye le 10
aur nikal.


Ladkiyon ki aadhi zindagi husband ki “Talash” me..

Aur baki aadhi.. Husband ki “Talaashi” mein guzar jati hai.


Girl to shopkeeper : Bhaiya aap ke pas aisa valentine card hai jisme likha ho..
‘U R MY 1st and would be my Last LOVE..?
Shopkeeper : Haan Hai..!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Girl : Theek hai 20 de do.


Mukesh Ambani:” Agar main subah se apni car me niklu toh sham tak apni aadhi property bhi nahi dekh sakta”.

Santa: “Hamare paas bhi aisi khatara car thi…. Bech di !”


Girfriend and boyfriend on phone:

Boy: Hi, kaisi ho jaan?

Girl: Theek hun.

Boy: Aaj kya khaya dinner mein?

Girl: Tumhe bas yehi batein karni aati hain, kya khaya, kuan sa serial dekha, kaun sa song suna….

Boy: Oh!! Ok Ok, ye batao ki how shuld RBI fight these inflationary trends,
with minimum intervention in the money markets?

Girl: hmmmm…. daal chawal khaye hain, dahi aur salad bhi tha…


BABA Ramdev Kehte Hai, “Achhi Sehat Ke Liye Saas Par Control Kare”

Ab Baba Ko Kon Samajhaye Ki,

Logo Se Biwi Control Nhi Hoti To Saas Par Kaise Control Kare.


Ek Husband aur Wife dono market gaye toh ek ladki ne HELLO kiya..

Wife-” kaun thi woh ? ”

Husband- tum plz dimag mat kharab koro.

Abhi usko bhi batana hai ki, tum kaun ho.


LADY: Panditji meri shaadi ko 5 saal ho
gaye, Par, Ek bhi baccha nahi hua! ๐Ÿ™

Pandit:
mein Badrinath me tumhare naam ka Diya jala dunga.

~~~ 10 saal baad ~~~

.Pandit us Lady k ghar gaye to dekha k
Ghar me 10 bacche the . . .

Pandit : Mubarak ho!,
baccho ke papa kaha hai.?

LADY: Badrinath gaye hain, Diya bujhaane…


Santa: Dettol sabun hai?
Dukandaar: Hai,

Santa: Accha wala?
Dukndar: Ha

Santa: Acchi quality ka hai na?
Dukndr: Ha Bhai Ha.

Santa: Hath dhokar 1 Kilo aatta dedo.


Doctor: Tumhare 3 daant kaise toot gaye?

Aadmi: Ji, woh biwi ne kadak roti banayi thi.

Doctor: Toh khaane se inkaar kar dete!

Aadmi: Ji wahi toh kiya tha!


Girl: Hi Jaanu
Boy: Hi Baby ๐Ÿ™‚

Girl: Socha tum miss kar rahe hoge to call kar lu.

Boy (shocked): Abhi 5 min pehle jo 1 ghante tak baat ki woh kya tha?

Girl: OMG! Fir se tumhey hi lag gaya kya!


Mayawati Laloo ke ghar elephant ke sath aayi.
Laloo – Bhaiswaa ke sath aaye ho ??

Mayawati – Dikhta nahi elephantwa hai.
Laloo – Dhatt pagli, hum elephantwa se puch raha hoon!


Santa’s son: Papa agar aap ko
Rs10 aur Rs5 raste mein pade
miley to aap kaun sa note uthaoge?

Santa : 10 Rs ka…

Son: Isliye aap per joke bante hain…
Dono bhi to utha saktey ho…


Dr: Tumhari Kidney Fail Ho Gayi He.

Banta: Kya Sir Aap B Bahut Mazaak Karte Ho

Meri Kidney Kabhi SchooL Hi Nahi Gayi, To Fir Fail Kaise Hogi.


Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?

Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!

Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.


1 Aadmi ne 100 times khoon daan kar k record banaya Blood bank walo ne uski wife ko prize diya ye kehte hue ki

Apne Nahi Piya

Tabi to Hamne Liya


Jhooth Bolna..

Baccho K Liye ‘PAAP’

Lovers K Liye ‘ART’

Bachelors K Liye ‘Anivaarya’

Aur

Married Logo K Liye ‘SUKHI JEEVAN JEENE KA MAARG’